I got myself certified yesterday. To know what is this certification all about, read on. I promise you a laugh.. a smile at the least. When I mentioned this to Bad Angel, she told me that I never really needed this certification. I was born with that it seems. But I am the modest kind, you know.

It all started with my weekend trip to Mumbai to meet my cousins. I am in Pune since last May and have not got my arse down there. Before they start pestering me about it, I thought its best to go there. The trip was nice. We enjoyed two days fully. Or rather, I did. Sunday evening I got the bus back to Pune. After getting down at a stop of which I had no clue whatsoever about, I was bamboozled as to what to do. I called my friend and he said, “Don’t worry, it’s in Pune” So with that level of comfort, I decided to get an auto. The first one said “two hundred saab” and did an Arnold Shwarzenegar pose.  I am very bad at bargaining. So with the air of an experienced local who roamed the streets of Pune since eternity, I said “Naa. Wo bahut zyada hain.. 150?”

It went on for some time and the closest I got was 175. Then I realized it was useless and moved away to the next auto.  This one was middle aged, 40ish, with a white Gandhi Cap adorning his otherwise ruffian face. He said “Baito..” and started the auto. I asked him how much and he said “80”. I couldn’t believe my ears or anybody’s ears. A straight forward reduction of Rs. 120! Elated, I jumped and we started the epic journey.

Throughout the journey, I was watching the meter (which he had put on despite our arrangement). So I could check the distance and calculate the actual cost by meter reading. When I reached near my flat, the meter reading converted to Rs.100+. I really felt sad for him. Look at this. Here is a person, who is asking genuine fares from passengers and he is losing out whereas the others might be still getting what they asked for. (Courtesy IT employees and their burgeoning salaries) I paid him one 100 rupee note. He glanced back and checked the meter. And took out two crumpled ten rupee notes. But I just couldn’t let myself do it. I gave him one note back and said.. “rakh lijiye”.. With 90 rupee for the trip, he gave me a nice smile..

I felt like I have made his day. There could not have been a better deed to do. Mom, I have reserved a seat in heaven. (If you read till here by mistake, don’t stop. Read on)

Later that day, me and my roommate were going for dinner. We decided to walk since we were talking serious stuff. I just commented off hand. “There ARE auto drivers who are really sincere” and I narrated the incident. He too was surprised. He asked me what the meter reading was. I told him and said that I still paid him 10 rupee less.. My words weighed heavier than that of a sinner at the confession chamber.

But to my utter confusion my roommate started laughing like he has gone bonkers. I had to hold on to him for dear life otherwise he would have fallen under a bus because of his hysterical laughter. I asked him what happened. He told me the most shocking, revealing piece of information in my life. I had converted using a wrong rate. The actual amount that I should be paying him should be far less than 80, forget the 10 rupee extra that I paid. To add insult to serious injury, I asked him “when did they change it?” He said that it has been like that for ever. Which means I have been taken for a solid ride by almost all auto drivers in Pune for almost 9 months. That driver’s smile reflected on his meter as the cow in the Center-Fresh ad.  I could read his thoughts now.. “Another Chu..” (hindi gali not allowed)

So much for Gandhi Caps. I hate Autos. Not to mention that, I got myself certified as a Chu….. by auto drivers of Pune.. :(

Frozen Sun

PS: Not sure if Mr.God will allow such highly qualified (read: certified) people in heaven.